Did I Fail my Daughter...

As I sat patiently at the awards day ceremony for my daughter. I heard the words echo in my mind over and over again, "Mom, why are you here? I am not getting any awards." "when, did I make her feel like I would only be somewhere publicly to "claim" her and "celebrate" her if she was being honored out loud by other humans. Did I fail her as a Mother?"

That moment and those words echoed throughout my Mommy-hood conscious the entire ceremony as I watched child after child walk up for one award after the other, as I have done so many times before throughout her whole life and my other two children's lives. There have been so many times that I have been the screaming Mother in the crowd time after time after time and there have been harder times where I had two children in the same ceremony and watched one get all the awards while the other walked away with none.

I remember when my two younger kids were small, we were playing in the backyard and I was watching them run back and forth with lots of giggles in tow. I watched my daughter fall to the ground so many times from laughter and sometimes from just falling over. The kids decided to race, my son was very fast, my daughter was very not fast or maybe just very distracted but none of those things were a question in their minds... they started racing. Keyaan was beating her badly, he was running laps around her as she giggled and ran as hard as she could, even out of breath, she laughed and she kept going.

I did not want to see her lose and get her feelings hurt.

But I was the one defining lose, wasn't I? and I was defining what hurt also, right?

She was so happy and I could not turn away. He was outrunning her and "won" the race many times over. But she never quit, she laughed until she finished and never thought another thing about it-day after day they raced.

Now, he became/was an athlete and a very competitive one, and that worked out great for him and good for his soul. She gave him lots of practice mastering his skill.

She became/was an artist that got distracted easily simply to take detours to look at Gods work and enjoy the journey, Keyaan gave her lots of practice mastering her skill.

If I had "saved" them, from their "loss" and their "pain"

what would they have learned? and would I have hindered their ability to follow Gods plan for them. Maybe, gave them a detour at least?

He was an athlete, she was an artist. He was an analytical thinker, she was a free spirited creator.

Where do you even go with that in the world today?

Where is the award for the movers and shakers of society?

The ones that fight to be somewhere that they are celebrated because on awards day, they are unseen for their unique abilities that they bring to the world.

These artists for example, look around you-they make all things beautiful and fun and funny. They pull out the emotions of any hardship or celebration that needs to be addressed. They are the healers and the see'ers of the world.

I happily sat through awards day watching all of the children and their parents feel accomplished and rewarded for all of their hard work, to be confirmed that they are doing a great job and on a great path, I was proud for all of them.

I was especially proud of my daughter for not getting any of those awards.

First of all, she could have made straight A's if she wanted to, but she didnt want to, she wanted to spend her time talking to her friends and having fun. She wanted to draw and create and keep her soul alive with the gifts that God gave her. She wanted to take detours and she wanted to show others what she saw along the way. So, no, she did not deserve an award for making the best grades or even turning her work in on time, but

she is a total rock star, She lives her life to the beat of her own drum --and that drum is the very one that makes a crowd sway to the music. She isn't restrained and uncomfortable, as a matter of fact, she loves pushing people past their own restraints and limits.

They did not have a category for her today and that actually makes me more proud than anything else.

She is her own person and she is pursuing that.

She will grow up and know who she is--- where so many of us, followed the regulations that we were given, the restraints and the "norm" of what society says it is and they spend years and a lot of money trying to get those voices out of their heads so they can hear their own voices-to find out who they are.

I pray that my kid never get an award for something they don't deserve and mostly for something that is outside of who God created them to be.

I realized something today and I have been realizing it more and more lately, as I have been trying to guide my teens into adulthood...

I want to protect them from pain, from rejection and from things that could damage them now and or later but God used their experiences that I got to watch, like playing in the yard that day to teach me that falling down with laughter is not a pain nor a bad memory, it is a memory that she and her brother have of playing in the yard together with no pressure. Just two lil kids, one that runs fast and one that never gives up.. Each of them mastering their God given purpose and skills to confidently be who they are born to be...

I realized today that..

I want to raise humans that can walk into situations that may not be comfortable but they know how to navigate it, they may not be the winners but they aren't afraid to participate and have fun and celebrate the person that the victory belongs to, (isn't that a victory for them too? ) --knowing that this is not their goal but their opportunity to give that person who's goal it is, a chance to improve and to get out there into their life and live their passion. To make friendships along the way, to laugh and to play in the rain without worrying about their hair.

There are lots and lots of moments in time, we miss so many of them....trying to win a race that isn't even ours

But with people like my daughter around.. if you pay attention, she is going to make sure you see every centimeter of your time on this earth and in a way that it will be passionate and moving and if you play your cards right, you will even question your own sanity at times as she moves you outside of your walls and into a world that God created her to be the guide.

This awards day at school, my daughter got no awards and I was there cheering her on the whole time... No, I did not fail her-I failed a system that was trying to fail her... <3

Enjoy your moments, allow your children to have their moments too. Lets work on less defining and more refining...

In case no one has told you today,, I see you-you are killing it at life,, now lets get out there and kick some more booty...

As always my beautiful friend,

I am praying for you...

w/love, Venus